Phuket

Phuket: you either love it or you hate it. If you want massage parlours, prostitutes, bars, touts, tailors, and don't mind all the Aussies, you'll love it. But if you're after beautiful beaches and some peace and quite while you relax, it may not quite be the place for you unless you're willing to spend some big money. Love it or hate it? Well I'm somewhere in-between.

Cramped and sore, we arrived at the Phuket Town ferry terminal from Koh Phi Phi, having just spent a few hours sitting on the floor of the ferry as all the seats were full. After a quick haggle with a taxi driver we headed into Phuket Town and found a place to stay for the night. With that out of the way, we went for a walk to explore the place.

Our not so comfortable spot on the floor of the ferry

Jades Phi Phi diving instructor had recommended we have a Thai massage and gave us a name. Since we hadn't had a massage before we thought "why not?". So we found the place and were handed a menu of options. Not knowing what to expect, we settled on a traditional Thai massage and we were shown into a tiny, dimly-lit room, unfurnished except for two thin mattresses on the floor. Left alone, we giggled nervously. A masseuse returned with a blue pyjama top each, along with some matching fisherman's pants which 3 people could fit into. We awkwardly figured out how to tie the pants and then the masseuses got to work.

Ummmm... not my best looking moment

Starting at the feet they slowly stretched and put pressure on different parts of the body; it's wasn't like any massage I'd had before. I glanced over at Jade to see an uncomfortable look on his face as the Thai woman's hands went higher and higher up his thighs. I stifled a laugh as best as I could. We're then rolled over onto our stomachs and our masseuses proceeded to stand on us. This time it was Jade who had to stifle his laughter as a Thai woman twice my size walked all over me! I felt like I was going to come out as flat as a pancake but it wasn't over yet. The finale had us sit up with our legs crossed and our masseuses then sat behind us with their legs over ours. With a gentle swaying like motion they violently cracked our backs. All goes well for me but as I sat there waiting for Jade, his incredibly small Thai woman loses her balance on account of how big he is and toppled over backwards. I started laughing, but the woman wasn't deterred. She climbed back on Jade and went for round two. This time she managed to stay upright but she just couldn't get leverage, after a third try we were all laughing as it just wasn't going to happen. Jade was too freakishly big for the poor petite masseuse.

And with that, our massage was over. We changed back into our clothes, drank delicious herbal tea and joked on Jade's height.

Phuket is huge so some sort of transport is a must. There is a 'bus' system of songtaews who drive around certain areas, but if you want to do things at your own pace a scooter is best. Once again Jade somehow convinced me to hire a scooter; with a quick brake check and a 'don't go over 40km/h' talk we set off. Our first stop was the Big Buddha perched high up on the hill, so big in-fact that you can see him from the beaches down below. From the top you're also rewarded with views looking out over Phuket and can view the sun set over the sea.

Big Buddha is big!

View over Phuket

Next stop was a visit to Patong - 'the' beach, which is just unreal. You can hardly see the beach through all the beach chairs. It's really Little Australia with Aussie bars, shops and tailors all catering to their needs. In fairness I was able to pick up my monthly fix of the Australian Cosmo though, so that was alright (hey, I needed something to read while I sat on the beach!). However the amount of people in Patong was mind blowing, and some of the bars we came across unlike anything we'd seen before. One bar we saw would more accurately be described as a warehouse of sleaze. With 6 long bars complete with a stripper pole every few metres and 50 or more seats on either side, it would fit about 6 New Zealand bars inside. And like I said, that was just one bar!! We dubbed Patong the 'New Gold Coast' and escaped back to Kata beach where we were staying. Away from the worst of the partying Aussies, pushy touts and cheap 24-hour tailors.

Patong beach, it was absolutely packed earlier in the day though

Since we like trying all the local food we kept our eyes out for a dish we'd heard was amazing: mango sticky rice. Our luck paid off when one night on our way home we saw a lady selling it on the side of the road. We opted for the small size just in case we didn't like it, but with one bite I was hooked! It's a sticky rice that's cooked in coconut milk, served with fresh mango and more of the delicious sweet coconut milk syrup for you to pour on top. So good that we had to go back the next night and get a large one!

So yummy, mango sticky rice!!

It was Easter while we were there, and being a largely Buddist country it isn't celebrated. That didn't stop us though, we started Operation Easter Bunny: find Easter eggs or hot cross buns. Seeing as there are a lot of western expats who live in Phuket, we were confidant we'd find something. We were wrong. After searching high and low for Easter eggs the best we could come up with was a bag of small marshmallows filled with chocolate. With a shrug we claimed it as a success: inside-out Easter eggs! They weren't bad but they certainly weren't Cadburys. With Easter eggs ticked off, we turned our attention to finding hot cross buns. After a lot of googling I came across a five-year old blog post that mentioned an Australian owned bakery selling hot cross buns. With fingers crossed we hopped on our scooter and set off, praying to the Easter Bunny that 5 years on they'd still be there. Luck was on our side: the bakery existed, and it made hot cross buns! But they were sold out. Bugger. Fortunately they were making more the next morning, so we pre-ordered and picked them up on Easter Sunday. Not quite the same as back home, but they were still very good!

Hot cross buns!!

Our luck turned when Jade came down with a case of the old travellers tummy, which forced us to stay a couple more days until he was better. By that stage we were itching to leave Phuket, but the only bus to Koh Samui on the other side of Thailand left at 9am, and it was 11am. We were going to have to stay another day. Then Jade had a sudden brilliant idea: we could fly! A quick search on-line and we found a flight leaving at 4pm. Perfect. Three times the price of a bus and ferry - it'd blow our budget out of the water - but we'd be there in an hour versus eleven. An in-flight snack sealed the deal and we took off for the airport.

So that's all from Phuket. Love it or hate it, you'll have to decide for yourself but for me it's a place I'd visit again, but I won't be in a rush.